When Familiarity Feels Like Love: A Book Review of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone

I’d especially recommend Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb to two groups of people: -

• practicing therapists

• anyone curious about therapy who wants a book that genuinely helps de-mystify what actually happens inside the therapy room beyond the versions

One of the most impactful themes throughout the book is the idea that familiarity is often mistaken for compatibility — and honestly, this is something I see constantly in my work, particularly among young South Asian adults navigating dating and relationships in today’s climate.

Many young women I work with find themselves deeply attracted to emotionally unavailable, inconsistent, or chaotic partners, while describing emotionally healthy, intentional, and available men as “boring” or lacking chemistry. That isn’t because they consciously want dysfunction. More often, it’s because chaos, unpredictability, criticism, emotional distance, or inconsistency were normalized early in life.

Gottlieb beautifully explains how the nervous system often confuses familiarity with safety. If someone grows up in a dysfunctional family system where love felt unstable, emotionally unavailable relationships can feel strangely compelling in adulthood because they recreate what the person’s mind and body already know. Meanwhile, healthy relationships — relationships rooted in consistency, emotional availability, communication, and peace — can initially feel unfamiliar or even uncomfortable.

As a therapist working within the South Asian community, I worry that many Desis grow up surrounded by unresolved trauma, emotional suppression, criticism, control, or relational instability, only to unknowingly pursue those same dynamics in adulthood. The result is often cycles of heartbreak, anxiety, confusion, and relational chaos that feel familiar but not necessarily healthy.

One of the most valuable things this book does is help readers understand that “chemistry” is not always evidence of compatibility. Sometimes it’s evidence of an old wound looking for resolution.